Just a “Hello” can change everything.
I don’t know how many of you are going through a shitty phase right now but I just wanted to shout out a ‘Hello’. Just an acknowledgment that I’m here probably going through something similar. Not the same for sure, it can never be the same. Similar maybe.
A cloud of despair, a feeling of loneliness in such a connected world. Yes, happens to me too. No matter how thick your friends are, how loving your partner is, no matter how much unconditional love you receive from your parents or loved ones. There are still going to be moments of loneliness.
Everyone disappoints. Everyone hurts. Including you and me. There is no escaping that but when this reality dawns, it feels so shitty. You’ve given your best, your intentions were clean you’ve worked so hard to please everyone but they’ve turned against you. They ridicule you, talk about you, insult you. They never get you. You feel destroyed.
It’s ok.
The problem is selflessness is futile. It’s great for a political campaign I guess but it’s truly not worth it. Try being selfish. Hereon, do things for yourself. There is nothing evil about it. The sad thing is you’ve probably ignored yourself way more that you think you have. I’m talking about having a conversation with yourself, don’t seek validation about your “good” nature from someone else. Have a talk with yourself. Get some hot water or tea. Seek company in yourself. Ditch loneliness, say hello to solitude.
Enjoy it. It’s an acquired taste.
Do whatever you need to do, want to do with all your heart. This is so damn important. There is. an art to it. You’ve got to clear your mind, have an honest dialogue with yourself. Are you doing it because someone might like it ? You might make some money or fame ? Or are you trying hard to get someone’s attention ? No. I’m doing this because I think it’s cool and I might probably make some money eventually by doing it.Screw it. Screw the money. I just want to do it.
When you start doing this consciously, life becomes so much simpler. More fulfilling. The guilt around this whole damn thing ? Learn to deal with it. Guilt is the imaginary chain your upbringing, your society, your government ties you down with. I’m not going to do something stupid though. I’m also not going to please people and do shit I don’t like or ever found productive doing.
It’s ok to have this phase. I think we secretly like it too. The downer is comforting in a weird way. It’s times like this when we realise we need to be more selfish even if it’s social service – do it for yourself. When you learn to cut off and do things your way, people might think you are weird.
But that’s the whole point right ? You’re learning not to give a shit about what they think of you.
